Connection and Belonging

We are all wired for connection and belonging. It’s natural for you and your partner to protest when the relationship gets tested. One of you may withdraw, lash out, or act defensively. It’s difficult to respond in loving ways when you feel ignored, undervalued, neglected, and scared. Your partner may not see your pain because they are caught up in explaining and defending themselves. These protests work against the relationship. Instead of getting what you want, you end up feeling more disconnected and alone because your needs and feelings don’t get addressed.

In our work together, I will help you and your partner gain insight into the triggers, emotions, and narrative (what you both tell yourselves). We will dive deeper into the cause of these beliefs and behaviors, and help you break the repetitive patterns that keep you feeling stuck. You and your partner will find new, healthier ways to love and be loved.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. It is a structured approach based on attachment science. Attachment has to do with the bonds between a parent and a child. We know that the same motivational system that gives rise to the close emotional bond between parents and their children is responsible for the bond that develops between adults in emotionally intimate relationships.

The goals of therapy generally are to expand your repertoire of emotional responses, create a positive change in how you and your partner interact, and foster a secure, loving bond.

EFT is based on over 30 years of attachment science and research. Approximately 90% of couples show significant improvement. Also, it is used with traditional and non-traditional couples, including same-sex couples.